I am supposed to be using this things to share my true feelings and things that I prolly wouldn't share otherwise.....so here goes.
Yesterday I went to Detroit to celebrate KF's b-day and Valentine's Day. Firstly, I think that it's funny that the one year that I decide to be okay with being alone and not be sad and bitter on Valentine's is the one year that I have real plans. Go figure. Anyhow, I went to Detroit. We saw Jason, went out to eat, went to a party, and I was able to see KF in his element. I spent too much money, but it was cool. I had a good time and he told me today that he had a great time. I met some of his family and some of his friends. He was telling people that I was his "baby" and his "girl" and he even told me yesterday that he really does like me. A lot for one day, right? Yea.
One of my friend's commented that it seems like he is getting really attached to me and I would have to agree. We talked about getting married (hypothetically), having kids (VERY htpothetically), me possibly moving to Detroit, and him possible moving away from Detroit and MI all together.
I want to be happy. I should be happy. I should be estatic right? He told me his likes me. He got me stuff for Valentine's Day (well, he is supposed to be getting stuff). It actually seems like he cares. But I am not happy, or estatic, or anything. If anything, I am scared. And sad. And conflicted about the whole situation. I keep replaying me and Bobby in my mind. Bobby-->in "like/love" for over 2 years, no reciprical feelings, and him just wanting me to wait around and be there in case he decided to like me.
I don't want that to happen again.
I see potential in KF, so much potential. But can I work with potential? Can I wait on potential? Like when I was comparing KF to Mr. FFP. There are people out there already where I am and even past that that wanna talk to me. Do I wait?
I am scared that he only likes me now because he hasn't found anything better. Sex can never keep a man around for long. I wanna tell him how I feel, but I don't want to sound all insecure and whiny. And I guess the more I think about it the more I see just how bad Bobby hurt me and how I may not be over it yet.....
So do I allow myself to fall head over heels for KF?
2 comments:
Resolution.
Don't open up another closet and start loading in new clothes, only to let the old, undesirable clothes from last season to sneak in.
Resolve Bobby. First. Talk to him, yell at him, cuss at him, forgive him (I didn't say forget but I did say forgive)
Start with a clean slate with KF. PARTLY BY TELLING HIM what's going on in your HEAD and your HEART!!! You gotta be like Lauryn Hill, tell him. Tell him your fears, tell him your hangups, tell him where you want to be. Do you guys want the same things, do you want to be in the same place? Talk to him. Based on where the conversation ends, you'll know whether or not to fall head over heels.
^^^^ mmm hmmm!!
what she said.
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